What is self-compassion?
According to Dr Kristin Neff, self-compassion is defined as, “being kind and understanding toward oneself in instances of pain or failure, rather than harshly self-critical; perceiving one’s experiences as part of the larger human experience, rather than seeing them as isolating; and holding painful thoughts and feelings in mindful awareness, rather than over-identifying with them.”
When I talk about self-compassion, it is the act of giving yourself the same kindness and care that you would give a close friend during a difficult time.
How can we practice it?
In times of difficulty and pain, we can choose to try and push this pain down and fight against it, which will most likely make things worse. Or, if you are struggling with something right now, mindfully allow yourself to sit with that pain and hurt. Ask how would you treat a close friend in the same situation?
You would most likely acknowledge that it is a difficult time right now. You might offer support and comfort needed to bear the pain. Offering love and connection while providing the optimal conditions for growth and transformation. Find gratitude for all that you have right now, and know that you are not alone.
So often I see woman and couples who are overwhelmed by a diagnosis of infertility, loss, failed cycles or following a traumatic birth and adjusting to parenthood. They feel very isolated. The most self-compassionate response may be to pull back temporarily. Begin to focus on your breath, feel your body is in contact with the ground, feel the support of earth beneath you. You may also choose to enjoy a cup of your favourite tea, cook your favourite meal, light some candles, enjoy a bath, walk in nature, practice yoga, whatever your body desires. If emotions are there let them come and go just as the breath comes and goes. By doing this you are practicing patience with yourself and providing yourself with inner space, reinforcing within you the habit of self-compassion. That is giving yourself what you need right in this moment and planting seeds that will eventually grow and flourish into something beautiful
My words of wisdom:
- Do not compare yourself to others, we are all unique and as humans we all go through difficult times in our lives
- Know thyself: listen to the pain and address and issues
- Remember that acceptance and gratitude are healing forces in our life
- Slow down: Shift your mind from doing to being and receiving
- Be patient with yourself and trust that something good will come your way
